You see I think at first we all thought we were just trying so hard to save her. When in fact we didn't allow her to suffer consequences for a lot of her actions. We were always right there to bail her out. We forgave, time and time again and didn't press charges when she made offenses against her own family. We just kept allowing her to manipulate. The problems kept getting bigger and we still didn't have any answers. Even I thought that the bond we shared would be enough. If I could just hold her through the tough times I'm sure she will start thinking clearly. I was so very wrong.
A few days ago I got a phone call from my mom in the morning. I usually have a pretty good intuition when something is wrong and once again it was. My sister was in jail. Years of probation violations, drug court, theft charges, prison and she is still no closer to being free from addition. She is still battling to survive every single day as I am without a sister and best friend. I immediately exhaled and felt an immediate relief and calmness come over me. I no longer cry because she is in jail. Instead I feel grateful that she can't harm herself for the time being. That she doesn't have the opportunity to overdose or make bad choices.
Today I'm thankful for this life. I of course would love to see my sister happy and healthy. I would love if she could be a part of our lives... but for now I just have to be thankful for today. That she is safe and that I can feel some temporary relief. We don't know what will happen tomorrow but today I will rejoice and pray that someday soon she will make the choice to reach out for help.
This has to be so hard. I know it has to be to let them suffer their own consequenses. But good for you feeling a sense of peace finally that she is safe. You can't help her, she has to do that herself.
ReplyDeleteYour a beautiful soul Beth. Thank you for being honest and opening up to everyone. Love you.
ReplyDeleteIt is so tough to go through these problems when your a family as tight as yours. I'm sorry to hear about your sister and I hope for your sake she get herself better soon so you can have back the sister you clearly love so much.
ReplyDeleteTake Care,
Messy
I am so sorry. Praying that your sister gets the help she needs and that your family draws closer together during this time.
ReplyDeletexoxo
As someone who also has family members that struggle with addiction, I truly appreciate this post. Please know that your family with be in my thoughts and prayers....this is a hard path....for all of you!
ReplyDeleteCarly
Praying for you and your sister. Hang in there
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Beth! Hoping every day gets a little bit easier! I can only relate with my work experience but other than that I wish I could say something more to make it better!
ReplyDelete-Meesh
Thinking of you. I know how hard it might have been to share this. Among a community where things can seem so perfect all of the time it takes courage to shine light on the not-so-perfect parts of our lives. I hope your sister makes the choice to help herself and 'comes back' soon. -Kelsey
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Beth. You are such a strong inspiring woman and I am sure your sister will one day be so grateful that you are there for her to help when she wants it.
ReplyDeletexo
So sorry to hear this, I know this is a hard situation to deal with. I've been through some of the same stuff and the hardest part is wanting to do something to help them....and you can't. Prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteMy brother has a drug issue as well. I can so relate to your feelings of peace because your sister is in jail. Is heart wrenching to think that your more at peace at her being there verses out and free to do as she pleases, isn't it?? It should be the other way around, but for you and I, it can't be that way.
ReplyDeletePrayers will be sent that she finds a way to get healed of this addiction, and given a second chance at a healthy life when she comes out this time.
My 18 year old baby brother has a terrible drug problem as well. Especially since he has resisted rehab and relapsed several times at such a young age. I sometimes wish he would be put in jail to know he is safe. Prayers to you and your family.
ReplyDeletethinking of your family and hoping that your sister finds her way out of addiction. thank you for sharing such a personal story.
ReplyDeleteOh, I can't imagine. Hope she escapes from addiction's strong grip and knows that she'll have an amazing family to lean on.
ReplyDeleteI found this post from Pinterest and I don't think it was by accident. Around the time you posted this, my little sister was coming to my husband and I(we raised her since she was 13) and telling us she has a drug addiction and wanted help. She's still in rehab for another month or so, but I'm anxious about her coming to live with us again when she gets out. I pray that she only has to do rehab this once and doesn't get to the point of going to jail. Thank you for your transparency. It's good to hear someone else talk about the same thing I'm going through. I pray for both of our sisters and for you and I that we're able to find that balance of loving them without helping them to stay in addiction. Hugs!
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